that old empty fish tank.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

i tell myself that all i want to do is sleep.
turn off my brain and escape this crazy thing we call life.
i don't want to think but that is as inevitable as it gets.
and i just cant.
and i cant do this and i cant do that.
and i argue with myself until i let it win.
but then my thoughts go to him..
and they go to my desire to begin writing again..
and to strum those unplayed strings.
they go to not wanting to sleep and back to the word cant.
so i sit here writing this and trying to have some control.
but i want to talk to him.
its a different 'want what you cant have'.
and there's that word again, can't.
we don't get to choose that we really don't want anything more.
because we don't know.
we don't know what we don't know, but we know that we don't know it.