My Thoughts Coming To Life...

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Time keeps on passing and the rain continues to fall. I've been waiting and waiting for you and reality to become one. Waiting for my heart and thoughts to connect.Waiting for an answer. It hasn't came and I secretly hope that it doesn't. I don't know how I could wrap my mind around something solid&final. I don't know if I could allow something so stable and certain to become us.

I can imagine it.. Imagine endless scenarios...but some of them don't have good endings. Some I choose not to even consider.. Some I long for and others that make me desire even more. But inside I know that i don't know exactly what I want. But where does all this leave us? Stuck in a constant state of limbo. Part of me is allowing that...but the clock is still ticking. 

I want to many different things. There are too many complications. I think you know that. I think you dont want to admit it either. Sometimes being honest with yourself is a struggle... Especially when you pretend that you are being honest. But inside we really do know. We do know that it could never be real. This feeling..These feelings. We want the same thing but we also know the same thing.

We hide behind masks not wanting to face the truth..but do we even know the truth? Do you even know the thoughts that envelope my mind the moment our eyes meet? Do I know your thoughts? When will we both be willing to  come to reality and run away from this second-state of mind? When will we both be willing to understand the knowledge we are both capable of possessing?

Sure, to them it seems so easy. So straightforward, but it's not. Its an ongoing secretive conundrum that only we can be capable of discerning. But do we even want to? Do we want to open up possibilities of more disorientation? All I know is the part of me that expects your comfort&care doesn't want to let it go. But its  not never ending.

I should run&hide these feelings away....the ones that don't allow me to fully come to accept the truth. But i'd rather have this bewildered status than nothing at all..but maybe that is exactly what I do need after all.