Monday,
December 10, 2012
sometimes it
makes me feel like i am falling. deeper and deeper. even when i dont want to,
it happens. it just happens. life just happens. and life is hard. it twists and
prods and flips and twirls and you can never see it clearly. you trudge up that
mountain just to look over and see everything that you've ever been scared of
before. it's grey and white and beige and mustard yellow.
and you begin to think about him and how he used to be. how he was always there. how he made you feel different. he was like the beginning. and then you think of her and how she is and how you couldn't live without her and your glad that she has gorgeous hopes. and then you think of him and how he's something completely new and it feels good to start fresh like the very first swim of the year. and then you think of him and how you sometimes long to go back and change things. and then you think of her and how you want nothing more than her to see how she is nothing short of a brand new finely tipped paint brush.
i don't know. one door leads to another. and you unlock one and lock another and try to open one and get shut out of another. so you wait almost like you're in limbo, but that's okay. cause you're not supposed to completely know everything there and therefore you don't need to be analytical. but now you're thinking about another him and how you can't help but love the way he smells and the unspoken bond you have. but now you're back to just reading books. because you don't have to voice your own opinions or worry about others invading and changing and leaving and yearning. no. it's your..well, not your, world and you don't have to worry about your own story here.
so wear your nike sweats and gucci shades. throw that key into the middle of a dark and deep pool of water. refuse to be anything less than the person you know you should be. forget to be on time. throw that memory into the fire and let it singe and burn away until it is completely out of sight and out of mind. cause in all honesty? you know what matters. you know who matters. you know matters.
and you begin to think about him and how he used to be. how he was always there. how he made you feel different. he was like the beginning. and then you think of her and how she is and how you couldn't live without her and your glad that she has gorgeous hopes. and then you think of him and how he's something completely new and it feels good to start fresh like the very first swim of the year. and then you think of him and how you sometimes long to go back and change things. and then you think of her and how you want nothing more than her to see how she is nothing short of a brand new finely tipped paint brush.
i don't know. one door leads to another. and you unlock one and lock another and try to open one and get shut out of another. so you wait almost like you're in limbo, but that's okay. cause you're not supposed to completely know everything there and therefore you don't need to be analytical. but now you're thinking about another him and how you can't help but love the way he smells and the unspoken bond you have. but now you're back to just reading books. because you don't have to voice your own opinions or worry about others invading and changing and leaving and yearning. no. it's your..well, not your, world and you don't have to worry about your own story here.
so wear your nike sweats and gucci shades. throw that key into the middle of a dark and deep pool of water. refuse to be anything less than the person you know you should be. forget to be on time. throw that memory into the fire and let it singe and burn away until it is completely out of sight and out of mind. cause in all honesty? you know what matters. you know who matters. you know matters.
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