hidden.

December 15, 2013

maybe it all scares me, so I run. scares me that i'm not like the rest. that the words etched into my beating heart are real and different and so honest. there's so much hidden, so much others can't see, so much disallowance of feeling. like staring into deep, dark, vast, ocean. knowing there is so much life and stories. thoughts and memories. and not being able to grasp it all at once, but just knowing it has been through so much... and it terrifies me to put them on paper lately because they are constantly changing. transforming then becoming solid, and I get comfortable, and then it starts all over again ,leaving me here. vulnerable. because sometimes it is hard to be raw. hard to disagree with what society has deemed a standard. and its hard to keep up. and its hard to want people to see you but keep it inside because of fear. fear of failure. fear of being too compassionate. fear of feeling to the extent that you become broken. again. but there lies in itself a lose lose situation. because, where are you? where are you when the real you was needed?  where are you when the person searching for the real you never knows you exist? so you take the walls down, for a few people. just for a test. and it's like laying in a puddle while the cars fly past you, the street lights changing from green to red, words of poetry spilling in and out of you. and the world continues on. nonstop. and you're left breathless and stunned.